It Has Come to This

My eating habits are officially weird. This was my dinner:

Canned sardines, slightly drained, in a bowl, mashed with a fork
Sea salted
Mixed in tahini
Bit off pieces of a traditionally-made dill pickle into the mix
Threw a handful of pistachios in.
A couple pieces of kim chee
a dab of olive oil

I can't tell if this seems gross or awesome to the viewer. Tell me! I just don't know!

I do know that it tasted awesome, but looked ridiculous. Chunky cat food anyone?

Moon-Gazing: Eyesight, Neurological Biofeedback, and Pulsing

Last night I had another fascinating experience. I went out for a night walk, and the moon was essentially full and clear and bright in the cloudless sky. I walked up the hill to the neighboring Catholic University, and I stopped about 20 yards in their entrance, standing on the road.

I decided to moon-gaze, let the moonlight shine into my bare eyes. I took of my glasses and stared at the now fuzzy moon. An interesting thing happens when a myopic person stares at a light source, provided it's not painful. The light becomes splotchy, large and circular, like a microscope slide complete with floating shapes, organic and geometric. It's as if the surface of the eyeball or pupil becomes apparent through the light source.

Furthermore, eventually you will start to notice the fuzzy bright circle subtly expanding and contracting. It didn't take me long to realize that this was a direct result of the expanding and contracting of my pupils. It is interesting to follow one's thought pattern as it relates to the squeezing and un-squeezing of the light bubble.

Observing this phenomenon is entrancing and becomes a sort of meditation. I fancied that observing my pupils dilate and contract was creating a sort of neurological biofeedback system that was somehow providing my subconscious with self-knowledge.

Then, I began to notice something I've never noticed before. At this point, the image was a wide circle, and looked like it was composed of lots of moons, overlapping each other. Each of these moons was a clear picture, but together, they formed a big, fuzzy moon. It was as if the "fuzziness" of the image was just an illusion created by many moons of the same size, overlapping slightly.

Eventually, I was able to consciously isolate individual moons within the cluster. The other moons would fade back, and the one I focused on was a sharply defined circular moon, with the exact same crater patterns that the moon actually has. I verified this by remembering the pattern that I was seeing, then putting my glasses on to see what the moon really looked like. It matched up.

I began to think about it; what does it mean, that I can see, with enough concentration (but not squinting), clearly, the moon, without my glasses? Perhaps I have to simply choose one moon to see, and ignore all the others that shroud its clarity.

Perhaps without my glasses, some part of me is still getting the clear image, even though I see a fuzzy one.

I often imagine that it is possible for my nearsightedness to heal, or for my eyes to relax enough to see the correct image. I imagine this because myopia is a result of the ocular muscles constantly tensing, which gradually constricts the lens, bending it. Myopia, in other words, is a result of semi-voluntary muscle use. I do notice slight fluctuations in my eyesight from week to week. It is affected by my diet and mood, or at least corresponds to it. I believe the body is malleable enough that I can affect my eyesight consciously.

The moon is out tonight again, and it is Halloween. I think I shall go outside and repeat my experiment. Perhaps I can recondition my eyes. Even if I don't, it is a lovely way to meditate.